Brilliant business ideas



A Woolie business

You only need a small truck, 2 labourers and 4 very fast knitters. You see you just need to drive around the Karoo for some days and as you enjoy the non existent scenery you stop by flocks of sheep and your guys jump out and sheer as many as they can then do a runner. The knitters can then knit pure wool sweaters as you carry on pursuing more cheap I mean sheep opportunities. You may have to wear these sweaters because the Karoo is so cold your balls will freeze. In fact you can knit pure wool jocks that will assuredly protect your knackers.

Hear me now

This business opportunity is an absolute no brainer. All you have to do is act a little creepy for a few days whilst you find all the local mortuaries and then visit them and buy at a virtual non existent price the hearing aids of all the dead dudes and gals. You see you just need to sanitize them and then sell them on eBay. They are worth about 10 grand at least. They are either going to be cremated or buried. You gonna make a killing and you will just hear the money rumbling in. Let’s just think of recycling hear I mean here.

A sexy tuck

Just go and buy a tuk tuk bakkie thing. There are plenty for sale. Get it wrapped stylishly with pictures of sex toys with a slogan ” take me now “. Now buy a music trumpeting thingy with music to blast out. Don’t use the ice cream truck music. Go buy some stock and drive around the suburbs. Franchising this early will be mighty sexy to your panties or pocket or whatever.

A grave day

This one is pure brilliance you see you have already done a lot of homework without realizing it. You need to find old cemeteries preferably in areas where the clienteles family would have spent a fortune on the gravestone. When you look at the gravestone you need to realize that it is not a gravestone but a very nice marble kitchen counter. Recycling is vital in these dark times. You just gotta thieve as many as you can and turn them over so your new customers do not see the deathly kind of negative engravings on the underside and buy a cutting machine and super glue. Look this one could be franchised but start slowly. Maybe start with a cemetery from the boer war or the Crimean war when it is highly unlikely somebody will visit. You got me.

A salty finish

All you need for this cunning plan is a water truck and a plastic bottling company. You drive the truck to the coast and fill the tanker with sea water then drive back and bottle it. You can then sell it at every taxi rank you can find. You see it’s about cleansing your body and vomit, vomit and then again. Seriously this stuffs worth a lot more than Fanta or Coke. It might even be worth building a pipeline to pipe it up to Johannesburg during the day and then maybe at night we can send our sewage back down. This project could easily attract government funding.

A car guards opportunities.

This is a tax free position however with few benefits and relatively low pay, until now. With this unbelievable new brain smear, well wave you can quadruple your money without purchasing any new equipment at all. Zip zero. With this brilliance all you need to do is pick on somebody who is the opposite of a fit young dude and after they park, approach their car with catlike maneuvers and let down their tyre. This can be done with ease using a small stick or some other seemingly useless object. This not only addresses recycling opportunities but creates an environment to linger and lurk around until your Mark, I mean customer returns to their vehicle. The rest is bloody obvious. You are now going to be the hero who changed the tyre and you shall receive a substantial payout for this heroic act.

Good Luck with these very clever opportunities but don’t bet your farm on them.

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